I'm Ready
by SeeingFireworks
Summary: "I thought I had it all.  But one night changed all of that..."  After a traumatic event takes place in Phoenix and everyone turned their backs on her; Bella returns to Forks to move forward with her life to the place that build her.
1. Chapter 1

I'm Ready...

* All publicly recognized characters, settings, songs, lyrics, etc are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infrigngement is intended. Rated"M" for mature themes.

Chapter One – Last Night In This Place

_Chapter Song – All the World I Tell Myself (Correatown)_

Bella POV

It's my last night in Arizona …. I don't know if I will ever come back. How fast life can change, how fast you can hate a place you once loved so much….a place that has been your home for 16 years. A place you once felt at peace and safe. I used to raise my head to the sunlight and smile, now I lock myself in my room during the daylight hours not wanting to see any of them. I couldn't take the chance of any of them finding out I was home; I was back in secret and leaving the same way.

The moon has become my sun for the last week. Hiding in the dark is much easier; hiding the shame, and hurt I feel living in this city is much more comfortable in the shadows.

I used to be popular…I used to love school….I used to have two best friends, a boyfriend, and plans for my future. I've hardly slept for a week; it does not come easily to me here in this once familiar but now foreign place. It's as if I am living in my very own nightmare.

It really is amazing how fast things change; I used to have all of those things now all I have is a black hole filled with despair, anger, hurt and worst of all; loss. "He" stole from me. "He" brain washed my best friends, my boyfriend; and "he" got away with it.

I try to remember how I used to feel before that night, that girl has quickly faded away. The loss had taken over. Worst part about this entire thing is I came out looking like a junkie; my best friends and boyfriend turned their back on me; believing him over me. When I had realized what"he" was doing to me... "Grooming me" ... well to put it simply I was too late. I dream but I don't know what is real or not "he" made sure to cover all his tracks. Make me forget certain things, and made sure I remembered the worst of things.

The lack of sleep has to do with where I am. I slept fine while I was in rehab. Not in the beginning; but that was a long time ago. It's this place, it's dark to me now; what once was safe and comforting, is not the case anymore. I cannot wait to leave. This isn't the person I am. I have worked so hard to move past all this. But this place; I can literally feel it sucking the life out of me.

I thought I knew who I was. I thought I knew who they were. I thought I was a good judge of character. I was fooled, but then again I wasn't the only one. Hell they still believe him over me; she believed him over me; even my dad did for a minute. How could I have been so wrong? It only takes one decision that can change everything about yourself and the life you once new. That night changed me completely. I was so stupid, so naive. I was the honour roll student, the cheerleader, dating the jock. Life was "perfect"…..so naïve.

I'm leaving this "perfect" life, in fact because of that night so is my family. None of us can stay and it's all because of my choices. My mom Rene and step dad Phil are re-locating to Jacksonville. Mom says she wants nothing more than for me to come with them for a "fresh new start" but in all honestly I think she is relieved. Every time she looks at me she see's everything she lost. Her picture perfect family in a private gated golf community is gone. They have shunned her and Phil just as they had shunned me. They believe I am just a drug addict making up stories; too high to recognize truth from lies. I guess it makes sense to some degree had I not made the choices I did and followed my gut maybe none of this would have happened.

Rich kids with access to money, drugs, and alcohol. Fathers away on business with their secretaries. Wives having affairs with their twenty year old golf instructors and pool boys. Yeah I ruined her "picture perfect life". I seriously doubt her head was that far up her own ass. She seen what she wanted to see; believed them over her own daughter. Or cared more about the image then what I had been put through. My mom left my dad when I was 8; she had come to visit her best friend from College who lived in Phoenix that is where she met Phil. My mom never wanted to settle down in a small town, she craved the snobbery and all things that came with gated communities and country clubs. Cue Phil. Don't get me wrong I love my step dad; he believed me; he knew who I was. And he really does love my mom even though they got together in a way that broke my dad's heart.

I started realizing how fake these people were about three years ago. But I kept it to myself I never spoke about any of the things I seen or heard. I was playing along with everyone else. Trying to have the "picture perfect" life too. That was shattered a year ago.

I'm going to live with my dad Charlie in Forks Washington. After everything happened he wanted me out of this city and safe with him. But my mom insisted I stay and face the music, like I had done something wrong, like I had asked for it. She insisted that this would all blow over and life would go back to normal in no time, once I did rehab. They fought a lot over me. My dad could not believe she was on their side. She claimed she wasn't but that I was always one for dramatics. How quickly she realized things were not going to go back to normal; especially when my counsellor told her Phoenix was not the place for me and I was better off going home to Forks with my dad. That was what I wanted; and she needed to allow me to do what I felt was best for me. That after everything I had been through, I was no longer a child. Rene had to let me go; I was never going to be what she wanted me to be; especially now.

The funny thing is I never told a single person involved in my life exactly what happened to me that night or the months leading up to it. Accept for the obvious that was reported to both my parents when I was hospitalized; for an overdose. Only the people in my group and my counsellor know what actually happened to me and what I went through. Everyone was so quick to just point the finger at me; no one ever even asked. Just another rich kid hospitalized for an over dose; guilty before proven innocent. There were pictures and other people's words. All of which were prominently displayed on the internet. They needed someone to blame so they could all go back to their warped worlds. I was so out of it I didn't even get a chance before I was whisked off to rehab in California.

I knew my dad never stopped loving my mom, I saw it vanish the day I was questioned at the Phoenix police department. The day my mother, turned her back on me. I couldn't stand the way she looked at me anymore; she was making me feel guilty for something I did not do, I was a victim; not the sick, twisted freak who…..well I'm not going there yet. I can talk about it now I just haven't done so to anyone outside of rehab. They were my people, the ones who got me, knew where I was coming from; understood the darkness; because everyone there had a story; some worse than mine.

My dad and I have always been close. My parents divorced when I was eight that's when my mom moved us to Arizona to live with Phil. But Charlie called every Sunday and he would come to visit me every few months, I spent every summer with him until the age of twelve; when my grandma Swan died. I just couldn't go back there after her death. It hurt too much. My grandmother was the best person I had ever met; she was my favourite person; I don't think I've loved any one person more. She was always so encouraging and warm and just home to me. I was her only grandchild so we were very close when I was growing up. Her death was the first I had experienced I felt like my heart shattered the day my dad gave me the awful news.

Going back to Forks now was the right thing to do. After hours upon days that turned into months and then a year of counselling helped me realize that Forks was my safe place now. It is what's comfortable and familiar and holds my most cherished moments. Grandma Swan wasn't the only one I left behind there; my second family was there too. But holding onto them was remembering her; again far too painful. So Charlie had started to come and visit me, or we would go on a vacation somewhere together. He has always understood and respected my feelings, he never pushed me to come to Forks he knew I would when I was ready. I haven't set foot in Forks since I was 12. And Now I cannot wait to get back.

I really don't know how I would have gotten through this without my dad; and Esme. They tried so hard to clear my name, and have justice brought to those he knew were the guilty ones. Being the police chief in Forks he called in every favour he had in Phoenix but it was useless. Money talks and these people had a lot of it. Not to mention he had executed his plan so perfectly; there were no mistakes. At least that anyone had found.

I just wanted it to be over. I needed out of the place that was literally sucking the life from me. I cannot sleep here; I cannot function here. It's all just a bad memory. I realize now it is this place. I could sleep when I was away the last year; the memories and nightmares came flooding back my first night here; flashing across the back of my eyes; so I know it's this place; it's all of them, it's Rene, and the rest of the eyes that stare and mouths that whisper behind hands. I need to find the rest of me. I need to find Bella. I need to embrace the person I was before and the person I am now and ensure that I am someone my Gram would be proud of. That I can be proud of.

So Forks is where I am going now. It rains there a lot but I look forward to the rain; I look forward to the cleanse that comes with it. I look forward to the small rainy town, surrounded by trees and ocean, the diner, fishing with my dad, Esme, Alice, Carlisle even Emmett. Walking by Grandma Swan's house; taking in the smell of the ocean that isn't too far away and the sounds of the trees rustling in the wind. The quiet nights, the fresh air, my dad, my family, my home.

No one from Forks knows details of what happened to me in Phoenix. My dad and Esme know some things, but have never heard my story. I get to find the rest of myself; I get to find Bella again. I will never again be naïve Isabella Swan again. I get to just be Bella, the fighter, the survivor. Fighting to be and find the person I was before Grandma Swan died and mixing her with the survivor I am today. Fighting to be the kind of person she would be proud of and surviving anything else life throws my way. Be and find my true self; the one I changed to be accepted by all these people in Phoenix. To be accepted by Rene. Well everyone accept Leigh, Jake and James; but I now realize they clearly didn't know me the way I thought they did otherwise they would not have turned on me like they have done.

No one needs to know just how broken and lost I feel sometimes. I do a pretty good job at hiding it on the days it is overwhelming. But I want to feel real again. I want to feel whole. I want to feel love. I want to feel everything; nothing numbed with drugs. I want to believe that night happened for a reason, as horrible as it was perhaps it was my saving grace. I now know what he was doing the month leading up to that last day. I want to be able to look in the mirror and smile, and be proud of the person looking back at me. Don't get me wrong I can look into a mirror now. I have come a long way from 9 months ago. I'm not broken anymore. There are still cracks but I fill them more and more every day.

Five more hours and I can get out of this place for good my dad will be here in the morning. Everything I need is packed and in the truck. He's flying out and were driving my new 2011 Lincoln Navigator that's fully loaded and a totally un-necessary gift from Phil. I think it's his way of apologizing for Rene's lack of support through all of this. My old car was fine and I would have taken my mother's support and love over any vehicle. But Phil did his best. I knew that even my dad did. I insisted he take it back but he wouldn't hear of it; claiming the winter is bad in Washington and he wanted to ensure my safety. It's a little late for that if you ask me. 18 months ago that would have made me the happiest person alive. I could care less about the truck.

But it is at night I sometimes feel like myself again I remove the layers. The silent moments on my own; looking at the moon excited for what kind of life I am going to have now. With this move I truly am hoping for something better. Something real. The scars on my arm are covered with the words "Aut viam inveniam aut faciam" old Latin for "If I can't find a way; I'll make one". It is what I lived by in rehab and will continue to do outside of it, because that is what I am meant to do; to find and make a way to be my true self. To embrace the things I love and the people I know without out doubt want that very same thing for me.

I want to trust, laugh, cry, fight, apologize, and just be me; not what I am expected to be from others because of where I live. I want to continue the road of healing my true self and actually find out how much more I can be. After everything I have realized I was never cut out for this life in Phoenix and I could never be Bella full time. I have to continue to find a way to live with the past, learn from it, and not cut people out if they get to close, or be concerned that everyone is out to get me. I have to talk about it; I know I have to tell my dad and Esme what actually happened.

As much as rehab was a total nightmare in the beginning the counselling and group therapy really helped. My mom and dad only came to see me once; after I was there for 6 months. I chose that I needed to get through this on my own, and in my own time. I still spoke to my dad and Esme every week. I would call my mom about every other and the conversations were short and polite. I just cannot care anymore; she chose a side; I've learned to live with her decision. I channel my grief, loss, anger, and resentment, whatever I am feeling into my music. That is my therapy. I even stayed in rehab longer to help with new patients, group sessions, I continued my school work through correspondence; and continued writing out all that I had in me into songs; I just couldn't leave until I knew I was ready; and I am ready now.

I can share my story through words and art whether they are mine or not. And it is with all of this that I will not be afraid anymore. I am going to put myself out there; and just be me. I look forward to it. When I think of Forks I smile; I have a good feeling about this next chapter in my life. I am going to re-build those relationships that were so important to me. I will beg for forgiveness if it is necessary. I am looking forward to a new beginning and although the past's doors are not totally closed; the door will continue to stay open until justice is served. But it will not stop me from moving forward not on because I will never be able to leave behind what happened to me it is a part of me now. But I can move forward from it. Filling myself with love instead of hurt. Trust instead of fear. Knowledge instead of naivety. I will fill my life with joy, music, forgiveness, never forgetting my past.

I'm not afraid, I'm ready; I just hope Forks is ready for me.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm Ready...

* All publicly recognized characters, settings, songs, lyrics, etc are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infrigngement is intended. Rated"M" for mature themes.

Chapter Two – The Void is Filling

_Chapter Song – I'm Coming Home (Diddy,Dirty Money & Skylar Grey__)_

Bella POV

The drive from Arizona was a bit intense. Apparently Charlie decided to let Rene know exactly what he thought of her, so our good-bye was very short. Not that I really cared; things are just awkward with Rene. I needed to get Charlie out of there especially when Phil got into his face. I mean Phil was understanding and was there for me but he still loved my mom and was protective over her whether she was wrong or not. I just wanted to be done with it all. As we drove out and away from the place I once called home I kept my eyes down, and my hood up. Charlie spent the first two hours on the road fuming and muttering incoherently to himself. I just put on my iPod and waited until he was ready to talk.

I must have fallen asleep because next thing I knew my dad was shaking me awake screaming my name. I awoke and looked around. We were in some kind of plaza parking lot. My heart was pounding and I was sweating and pretty sure I had tears on my face. I quickly looked down wiping my face when I finally looked at Charlie he looked so scared. "Dad? What? Where are we?" I tried to act like I didn't know what had just happened, I tried to play it off; knowing that wouldn't work. I just wanted to shake it off it is the same dream I've had every night since being back in Phoenix. It's the reason I haven't slept since leaving rehab. I can't believe I passed out like that and my dad had to see me like this.

_Be__lla you were having a nightmare. You were screaming and thrashing and crying; I almost ran the truck off the road; you scared me have to death. I thought the nightmares had ended? "_They did dad I swear... it's just since I've been back here they started again. Honestly I haven't really slept since I got to Rene's." I knew there was no sense in lying to him; and I just didn't want to.

_Why didn't you tell me Bells I would have come here sooner, you shouldn't have had to spend your first week out like this. "_I know dad honest; it's just I wasn't sure when I would see mom again. I had to see if maybe she had come around you know? Obviously she hasn't but I had to at least try."

_I__ know honey I just hate seeing you like that. I mean look at you, you've changed so much in six months, you have always been beautiful but I've never seen you more beautiful then today. You have strength in your eyes I have never seen before. The emptiness is gone from your eyes, you got your fight back; I just want you to know I see it Bells and I am so proud of you. I love you sweetheart. _

I threw my arms around my dad's neck hugging him tightly I felt tears rolling down my face. "I love you too daddy so much" I pulled away wiping my tears a way quickly. Charlie was smiling at me; and took both my hands in his. _Do you want to talk about it... the nightmare I mean?_

"Not yet; but I promise dad I will; I just would like to talk to you all at once. I spoke with Jane you remember my counsellor Jane right?" My dad nodded. "Anyway I spoke with her about you know finally opening up to you about what happened to me. She had me make a list of the people I would tell so that I would have my support group and we talked at length on whether I would tell you all at once or individually. I decided what would be best is to tell you together. I mean it's just easier not only on me but on you as well." I looked my dad straight in the eyes.

"Dad I know you understand it was bad for me to end up in the hospital with an overdose; but there are things that happened to me..." I looked away from him to gather myself. Charlie squeezed my hands with encouragement even though I knew this was killing him. I turned back to my dad's eyes so similar to my own. "I just think you will need my support group as much as I will; because some things I have to tell you are going to hurt you daddy. "He" did some pretty bad stuff to me; I went through a lot; at the end I had pretty much given up." I could see tears forming in my dad's eyes. I felt so bad in that moment just imagining what was going through his mind not just now but over the past year. But I was doing what was best for them; all of them because I knew how much I was going to need them and they would need each other.

"Dad you just have to promise me one thing okay; you need to remember I am ok, I am here still living, breathing, fighting, moving forward, I'm not broken anymore. I'm writing, singing, playing my guitar; I am happy dad and really looking forward to finally being home again; home with you, Esme, Carlisle, Alice and Emmett. I want to tell you... my family together all at once. So there are no more secrets a clean slate. What I went through was really bad but it does not define me dad; I went through something that altered my life in such a way I wasn't sure when if ever I would see a light at the end of the tunnel. But daddy I'm in the light okay. I really am great." It was Charlie's turn to hug me. _"Okay Bells I respect your decision and I understand. Always thinking about others when you are the one who went through what you went through; and whatever is going to make this easier on you then that is what I want. So we wait till we get everyone together, but I would like it to be sooner than later. That is my only request." _Charlie now had his hands on either cheek.

"I agree dad I don't want this thing hanging over my head, I want to get it out so we can move forward; I know I am going to have some bumps along the way but knowing I have a support system filled with the people I love will help. Plus I have Jane on speed dial." Charlie started the truck again.

"_It's settled then; what do you say we get a move on, it's to beige here__. " _I laughed so hard I snorted. "Take me to the green dad; take me home" Charlie smiled at me.

We spent the rest of the trip talking about music what I was listening to and playing. Books I had read; school that I was starting in a couple of weeks. We played "I spy" and 'name that tune'. I loved spending time with my dad he was so easy going never prying always so patient.

When we pulled into the town of Forks it looked exactly the same. Welcoming, green and wet. When we got to the end of our road Charlie slowed down and asked me to close my eyes. I looked at him with an eyebrow raised.

"_Oh did I forget to mention I have a surprise for you?" _I am sure my eyes were bulging out of my head.

"No dad you failed to mention anything about a surprise." Charlie eased his foot of the brake pedal. _"Well you see my dear daughter I really didn't want you trying to get me to tell you what your surprise was the whole way here. So I guess I forgot to tell you on purpose. Now cover your eyes, and no peeking. _

I rolled my eyes at him and immediately covered my eyes excitement bubbling inside of me. It felt like it was taking forever to get to our house. "Seriously dad could you drive any slower your killing me over here."

"_Bella__ Swan I am the police chief of this town I cannot drive over the speed limit what kind of example would I be setting."_ I snorted for the hundredth time on our trip home.

"Okay Chief Swan but last time I checked you could get pulled over for going under the speed limit." Charlie laughed out loud. _"Touché, beautiful yet impatient daughter of mine and you can open up now."_

I slowly opened my eyes and could not believe it. The house was totally different. Charlie had put on a huge addition. The white siding house from my child hood was now all brick and stone with a double car garage and a huge wraparound porch with a swing on the front. It was beautiful. I could not believe my eyes. I heard Charlie clear his throat next to me. I looked at him blinking. "_So what do you think?"_

"_Dad_ it's amazing. When did you? How did you? Who? But Why?" I couldn't even put a full sentence together in my shock. I looked to my dad for the answers to the ton of questions that had just fallen from my mouth. "_So many questions_…_Lets see about 6 months ago._ _I don't do so badly I had some money put a side; and it really needed an update. You remember Sam Uley he has his own construction company now so I got a discount. Plus I have this amazing daughter that has decided to come home. So I thought we could both use a new start you know." _He ended his answers with a shrug of the shoulders.

"I'm sorry dad I'm just in complete shock here. When can we go inside? "Charlie was digging his hand deep in his pockets. "I_ just have one thing I need to do." _He pulled his keys out of his pocket taking off a key, then shut my truck off and put the key on my key ring and tossed me my keys_. "Okay now we have that out of the way how about right now." _

I smiled at my dad and jumped out of the truck and used my key to open the door. It was beautiful inside. All open concept kitchen, living room and dining room. Dark hardwood floors throughout. There was a huge flat screen on the wall above a gas fire place with a beautiful mantel. In front sat a sectional leather couch with a huge solid wood coffee table.

There was beautiful artwork on the wall and the walls were painted a warm brown. The kitchen had new stainless appliances with a breakfast bar and granite counter tops and wood bar stools with leather seats. The dining room had a beautiful dark wood table that could seat eight. There was a server to the side and a buffet and hutch with my Grandma Swans bone china in it. I knew there was no way Charlie could have picked all this out by himself.

So I had to ask. 'Um dad this is unbelievable, did you pick this out yourself?' I could hear him laughing. "_Yeah right Bells; Esme helped me decorate; actually she and Alice did all the decorating; I supplied the money._ _So do you want to see your room?_ He waived me towards the stairs. "I would love to."

We made our way up the stairs; where all my school pictures and some from our travels were hung on the wall. It was huge; I could not believe the changes he had made.

There was a room which Charlie informed me they called a "bonus room" he had made into a library with book shelves covering one wall. "_There's lots of room for you to add your books too."_ I smiled at my dads' thoughtfulness. There were two big leather chairs on the other wall facing another fire place; a perfect place to curl up with a book. And there was a desk under a big window facing the front yard. It was beautiful but I couldn't help feeling a little sad to be honest. I had a wall in my closet that had my height marked out on it and Alice and I had drawn pictures on when we were kids I was looking forward to seeing it again.

"Bella_ your room is right here." _I turned and headed towards my room. Charlie opened the door and when I stepped in I could not believe my eyes. My room faced the back yard the entire wall covered in windows, with a set of French doors leading to a half covered balcony with wicker furniture covered in big plush comfy looking pillows to sit on. The perfect place to play my guitar I thought.

My bedroom was in two sections. Half was a bedroom with a king size bed. The bedroom furniture was all white; accented with dark purple, greys and black bedding and pillows. I loved it. The other half was a sort of hang out area with a couch a TV and a music area. There were two new guitars, and my grandma Swans old piano sat facing the back yard. I had my own bathroom with a vanity; huge soaker tub, and a stand up shower. He had thought of everything. My eyes started tearing up.

"_So um do you like it?" _I turned to Charlie and wrapped my arms around him."Dad it's too much you really didn't have to. I really did love our old house. Don't get me wrong I absolutely love everything you have done. But I would have loved my old bedroom just the same. I just hope you didn't do this because of well you know mom and stuff."

Charlie pulled me out of the hug holding both my arms looking me straight in the eyes. "_Bella I want you to feel at home, safe, comfortable, and happy. I didn't do this because of your mother. I did this for us clean slates remember? And I used some of the inheritance in some very successful stocks. Please do not worry about money. Like I said I am doing alright; better then alright. And further more who is the parent here? You don't have to worry about me Bella just be happy. But first there's something you need to see. Come here."_

Charlie walked me to my walk in closet. We walked in and I saw it immediately. The wall from my old closet he saved it and had it framed and hung it on the far wall over the jewellery vanity table inside. I ran over to it and ran my fingers over it. Now I was crying. 'You saved it' I whispered. "_Of course I did I couldn't just let them destroy it. I know how much it means to you Bells and Alice too."_

I turned and hugged my dad again. "I cannot thank you enough for everything dad and not just this. I honestly don't know what I would have done without your support." _That's what dads are for Bells. We stand beside our children no matter what; we love them, and spoil them when we can. You make me proud every day you wake up and face your fears. Now enough with the mush the tour isn't over yet. _

Charlie wiped my eyes and lead me back out to the hallway showing me the guest room; and his bedroom. It was very Charlie masculine and clean. Pictures were hung of me when I was born; pictures of him and I fishing, pictures of his child hood all the people he loved included. I said it before and I'll say it again very Charlie. He then took me to the basement which was a screening room on one end and a bar with a pool table on the other. "And_ this dear daughter is the man cave". _And man cave it was I was glad my dad had a place for him and all his buddies to enjoy; he deserved this. I loved everything he had done. It was stunning. We made our way upstairs and unloaded the truck. Charlie had to go check in at work and do a couple of things so I decided to un-pack and run to the grocery store to stock up and get ingredients to make a lasagne knowing it was Charlie's favourite.

I unpacked quickly; had a shower I decided against make up and threw my hair up into a messy bun on the top of my head; through on a pair of my old favourite ripped at the knee jeans with a led zeppelin t-shirt and flip flops. It was cloudy but warm, so I thought I should enjoy t-shirt weather while I still could. I didn't feel like the person I did in Phoenix. I know I still had to talk to everyone but I felt good, I felt alive, and I was home.

I jumped in my truck and made my way to the grocery store. It took longer than I expected learning where everything was they had changed the grocery store since I had left. I was looking at the tomato sauce when I heard someone say my name. _Bella?….Bella Swan is that you?_ I looked over at a short girl with short black hair. "Alice?"

_Oh my god Bella__ it really is you!_ She came running at me full speed and wrapped her arms around me. I flinched at first being taken completely by surprise by the little person with all her strength. She didn't seem to notice because she just squeezed me harder. I had to concentrate on breathing and not passing out from the lack of oxygen. "I_ can't believe it's really you. What are you doing here? Well obviously you're visiting Charlie. How long are you here? When did you get to town? Why didn't you call? Wait why didn't Charlie tell me you were visiting? I should probably let you answer. "_

I laughed at her okay first I need to breathe. "_Oh my god of course I'm so sorry!_ " Let's see tapping my chin. I got into town a few hours ago; and had to have a tour of the house; and unpack all my things which took me a couple of hours because there's a lot which is why I haven't called you yet and I had a lot of things to unpack because it's not just a visit I am the newest resident of Forks; and Charlie and I wanted it to be a surprise, so surprise! Did I get them all or is there any I have forgotten."

_Bella did you say resident of Forks? Are you serious? You're staying? I get my best friend back. Alice's eyes were watering._ "Oh Alice I wrapped my arms around her this time yes I'm staying and if you'll have me I would love nothing more than to have my best friend back too." Now we were both crying. "I missed you so much Alice I will never forgive myself for cutting you out; I just, I... just everything got really messed up."

Alice squeezed me hard. _I missed you too Bella but that's in the past now. I am just so happy you're here for good. We have so much to catch up on. This is going to be the best year. Okay do you have a cell phone? _

"Yep" I handed her my blackberry; she scanned my bar code then scanned hers with mine. _I have to grab some things for my mom. She is going to shit a brick when I tell her you moved here._

"Alice can you not tell her. I would like to surprise her if that's okay with you?" _Oh for sure I can't wait to see this; my dad and Emmett too. It will be epic. Our family will finally be whole again. We all missed you._

"I missed you too probably more then you'll ever know. I didn't realize how much until we drove into Forks. I have so many great memories here; I'm so happy I can call this place home again, and I promise I will tell you guys everything. The reason for... well everything. I just would like to do it all at once you know?"

_Bella this has always been your home you just got lost for a little while; but your back and I cannot wait to catch up. Okay I'm going to call you tonight; tomorrow you are all mine. Wait tomorrow is Sunday so I think you should come over for_ "Cullen Sunday Pancakes" we both said at the same time laughing. _You can surprise them then. Bring Charlie too. After breakfast we have some serious catching up to do. _

"Sounds perfect Alice. So I will talk to you later then." _Oh you can count on it_. _I am so happy to have you back and for good not just a couple of months._ "Hey Alice before you go I just wanted to thank you for helping Charlie with my room. I absolutely love it. Especially our wall that is now hanging in my closet it was my favourite thing about it." _I knew you would love it; no matter how much time passes your will always be the same Bella to me. I'm glad you love it. But like I said I knew you would._ We hugged before parting ways.

As I was walking to my truck I noticed a silver Volvo with a guy about my age in it staring at me. When our eyes met he smirked at me I put my eyes down and quickly threw the groceries into the truck. I noticed he was out of his car and walking towards me. I jumped into my truck and started it right away and took off quickly out of the store parking lot. I looked in my rear-view mirror and saw his face he looked shocked. I didn't have any idea who he was or what he could possibly want but I just wasn't in the mood. I was feeling so emotional after seeing Alice thinking about how different my life would have been had I just stayed in Forks; thinking about the conversation I was going to have with them all tomorrow. I could feel the tears starting and I didn't want to meet anyone in that condition; plus I have seen that smirk before. Dude thought he was the shit. And I am not interested in getting involved with anyone any time soon.

As I was driving home I started slowing down when I seen the road to Grandma's old house. I turned making my way down the familiar street that was so much a part of my child hood. I stopped and pulled over across the road and got out of my truck, leaning against it staring at the porch the step where my hand print once was. Knowing exactly where my room used to be, where my dog Sandy was buried, so many memories came flooding back to me I was so stuck in my memories I hadn't realized the little girl yelling at me. I looked up at a skinny little brunette with big brown eyes; dirt covered her knees and smudge marks on her adorable face staring at me with the biggest smile.

_I know who you are__. You're Bella. I'm Hannah!_ "Well hello Hannah may I ask you a question?" Hannah smiled nodding her head. _Sure_!

"How do you know my name Hannah?" _I see your picture every time I'm at my daddy's work; and I play Chief Swan. You're Charlie's baby girl just like I'm my daddy's baby girl._ _My daddy's a police man like your daddy is! _I couldn't help but smile at the little girl standing in front of me._ "_Well it's very nice to meet you Hannah. "

"So do you like living here?" I asked._ Oh I love it; it has the best hiding spots for hide and seek, a huge yard for playing tag, a tire swing in the back yard, a hand print on the front porch that's the same size as mine; and lots of flowers to pick for Sandy on Sundays. _I knelt down so I could be eye level with Hannah. "You pick flowers for Sandy?" The little girl looked so sad._ Yeah the people that used to live here had a doggy named Sandy who went to doggy heaven, so I pick flowers every Sunday after church and take them too her. _

Ifelt myself getting choked up and had to shake it off quickly. I bent down some more so I could look Hannah in the eyes. "Hey don't be sad; I happen to know the people who used to live here and I knew Sandy very well; and I guarantee they both watch from heaven and love the flowers you pick." She looked surprised. _You did? _I smiled. "Yep my gram used to live here." I was glad she didn't ask where my gram was because I'm pretty sure I would not have been able to hold back my tears. "You want to know something else." _What?_

"That hand print that is the same size as yours was mine." _Really?_ "Yep!" _But your hands are way bigger than mine._ "I know silly I grew up.' Hannah was giggling.

Just then the front porch door flew open and a woman looking very panicked ran out; yelling Hannah's name. Hannah turned around saying "_uh oh I'm in trouble."_ I took Hannah's hand and said were in this together and winked at her. We started walking towards the porch as her mother started lecturing her on not leaving the back yard and she knew the rules. _But mama I saw Bella; Charlie's baby girl and she looked so sad I had to go cheer her up._ I looked down at Hannah shocked. Perceptive little thing.

Finally the mother as if just noticing my presence looked at me with wide eyes. _Oh you'll have to forgive my rudeness, I just didn't see her in the back yard and I panicked and well now I'm just babbling. Bella it's so nice to finally meet you dear; although I feel like I already know you from all the stories Charlie tells. My name is Sarah my husband is Chris he is one of your father's deputies; he also sold us this house. Which I know used to belong to your grandma Swan._ 'Yeah it did." _Well would you like to look around? _Sarah asked_. Momma that's Bella's hand on the front porch the one that is the same size as mine; can you believe it and Sandy was Bella's dog and her grandma lived here._ Sarah looked down towards her daughter_. I know sweetie isn't that something_.

_So Bella would you like to come in I can put the kettle on_. "Oh I would love to but I was just at the grocery store; so I need to get going, but I would love a rain check". I knelt down in front of Hannah. "Maybe you can test some of those amazing hiding spots you were telling me about earlier". _Really?_ Hannah looked up at me shocked. "Of course really, friends don't make promises they can't keep."

Hannah suddenly seemed shy. _You... you would... bbb... be my friend?_ I bent down to Hannah's level again. "Best friend if you want I'll even pinkie swear." I stuck out my pinkie finger. _What's a pinkie swear?_ I took Hannah's little hand showing her how to do a pinkie swear. "It's a best friend promise so you take your pinkie and latch it with mine and then we shake." _Best friends_. Hannah repeated then jumped into my arms. _I'm so glad you're my best friend; I've never had one before._ "Well you have one for life now." I said to her. She gave me a raspberry on my cheek and started giggling. I gave Hannah a raspberry back and one last hug before I stood up and thanked Sarah again for the offer and told her I would get her number from Charlie and set up a date real soon.

I made it home quickly; unpacked the groceries, plugged in my iPod to the surround sound and started on diner. Charlie had sent me a text that he would be home around 7. I texted him back letting him know I was making his favourite. He texted me again; make it 6. I laughed and went back to making diner. After diner Charlie insisted on cleaning up. I went up to my room threw on jogging pants and a tank it was a nice night so I decided to take my guitar out on the balcony. I grabbed my song book on the way out; writing down the words that had been running through my head since leaving my grams house. When I finished I looked up and the sky was clear the moon and stars were bright. As I played the first couple of notes; I felt a sense of fullness I hadn't felt in a very long time. I smiled and new things were going to get better. I had a new sense of peace from just being at Grams today; and a new friend even if she was 8. This is where I am supposed to be. The void is filling.


	3. Chapter 3

I'm Ready...

* All publicly recognized characters, settings, songs, lyrics, etc are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended. Rated "M" for mature themes.

Chapter Three – Runaway

_Chapter Son__g – Runaway (Kanye West)_

EPOV

I was waiting in the grocery store parking lot for Alice who as usual was taking for ever; Tanya had been texting me insensately. I'm not sure what part of "it is over" she did not understand. I finally turned my phone off and threw it in my glove box. As I looked up this hot brunette walked out of the grocery store. She was gorgeous; and not in that made up way. She did not have a speck of make up on, her hair was in a messy bun thing girls do. She was in a pair of ripped old ass jeans and a led zeppelin t-shirt. I could faintly make out a tattoo running down the inside of her arm. I wonder what it says. I have never seen her before. She must be visiting from out of town. Then she looked at me. She had big beautiful eyes. I wanted to see them up close and know what colour they are. Wait what the fuck am I saying? I don't give a shit about her eye colour I just want to see them roll in the back of head while I slam into her; shit I really need to not go there right now fuck I could feel myself getting hard just thinking about it. After quickly shaking that thought off; I gave her my signature smirk chicks loved that shit. She turned her head and went to a monster of an SUV. The one I was eyeing up when we pulled in. It was 2011 Lincoln Navigator that was obviously fully loaded. Yeah definitely not from around here; I noticed another tattoo on the back of her neck, I couldn't make out what it was from this distance.

I decided to go talk to her and get her number. I got out of my car and started walking towards her. But before I made it to her she was jumping in her Nav and driving away from me. It was obvious she didn't want to talk to me which pissed me off. I can get any girl I want any time I want. And this girl just takes off? What the hell? Obviously she didn't get as good of look at me as I had of her. I am Edward Cullen all the girls want up on my shit. There I was standing in a grocery store parking lot stunned which didn't last long cause then I just got pissed. Alice interrupted my brooding.

"Edward _what are you doing?"_

"Nothing Alice could you have taken a little longer; I have a life you know." She stared at me hands on her hips. "_Wow wouldn't want to keep you from your skanks…what the hell crawled up your ass?"_ I sneered at her. "Nothing just get in the damn car; I got shit to do"

I sped the entire way home pissed off thankful there were not cops doing radar. Last thing I need is another speeding ticket Carlisle will kick my ass. Later that day I was lying in my bed; and I couldn't stop thinking about the brunette. What the hell is wrong with me? I don't even know her name; I've never even spoken to her. It was her eyes they were so deep like if I stared long enough I could see into her soul. Seriously what the fuck is wrong with me. I pulled my hands through my hair taking a deep breath. I am thinking like a fucking girl. The guys would have a hay day if they could read my mind.

Man the fuck up Cullen you can have any girl you want. Maybe I will call Tanya back. I grabbed my iPhone and went out to my balcony. I sent her a quick text asking her what she was doing tomorrow. I could hear someone playing the guitar in the distance. There was a small woods between and behind our house and a few other houses. Whoever it was; sounded pretty good it was probably the Chief. My phone chirped with a new text. I opened the text.

From – Tanya

U b my house 11am.

With that I smiled and sent a quick text back saying see u at 11. Too fucking easy; the girls around here were like a revolving door. They would be with anyone who gave them a little bit of status. They felt no loyalty to each other and would sleep with each other's boyfriends behind each other's backs. They would give anything to be labelled a girlfriend to any guy on the football team or anyone who had pull at our school. They seriously had no self respect, but what they lacked in self respect earned me satisfaction without strings.

Don't get me wrong they tried but once they did I would make sure they knew where their place was; and at the first signs of a "Grade A Clinger" that shit would end and quickly. Take Tanya for example; I mean she's hot and I let her call herself my girlfriend, but she got clingy and was made at me for not calling her Friday night, I was with the guys we were hanging out; so what if there were chicks there from Port Angeles there. Were not fucking married. And when she started whining about how she never got to spend time with me and she missed me; I quickly ended it. I don't need that shit; I'm 16 and I do what I want, I answer to no one. Plus I had just fucked her that morning. Like I said I don't need that shit. So I ended it.

I got into the shower and thought about the hot brunette. I really need to get laid; but that would have to wait till tomorrow at 11am. I decided I'd head to the main house to see if diner was ready yet. As I walked out I could still hear the guitar playing in the distance. I made my way into the house through the garage. I heard Esme and Carlisle talking while they set the table, they hadn't heard me come in.

"I'm really worried Carlisle I haven't heard from Charlie in nearly a week he hasn't returned any of my calls, I went to the house this morning and the house was empty. So I called the station and they said he had gone out of town. What if something happened to her? Why wouldn't he have told me? He knows how worried I have been about her."

I watched as my uncle hugged Esme. _"I'm sure everything is fine Esme, you know Charlie would have called you if something happened. I'm sure we will hear from him soon, you really have to try not to worry so much Esme. She's in a safe place now."_ I wondered who they were talking about. I could only assume they were talking about the Chief's daughter; but I couldn't help but wonder what Carlisle had meant by safe now?

"I know Carlisle but you didn't see her. She wouldn't talk or tell anyone what happened to her. It was as if her soul had been sucked out and left was the shell of the little girl we have loved since childhood. There was no innocence left. The wonder and life that once stood out so bright in her eyes was replaced with devastation slowly being consumed by blankness. She flinched when I tried to touch her or anyone for that matter but you didn't see the flinch in her eyes, it was as if her body responded out of instinct but her mind never registered it. That vision is burned in my mind. Every time I think of her I replay that night. I just wish she would come home and let us help her."

I thought I should let my aunt know I had heard Charlie playing his guitar; I hated seeing her upset and I was kind of pissed the Chief would do this to her; but I wanted to continue listening about the girl my family talked so much about that I had never met.

"_Esme sweetheart I know you want her to come home but you have to know what she is doing and where she is right now is helping her; otherwise she would be out. She's doing the right thing honey you have to remember that and support her decision__ to..." _

"_You know Edward it's rude to eavesdrop!"_ I turned around hand to my chest my heart pounding to see a pissed off Alice. "Fuck Alice you scared the shit out of me! What the hell is your problem; and I wasn't eavesdropping! "She exhaled loudly lowering her head to the ground. _"I'm not an idiot Edward I know what you were doing don't you have a skank that needs tending too?" _

Alice wasn't usually this harsh with me; we obviously jabbed each other but this was different. "Why are you being such a bitch? What the fuck did I do now Alice?" She covered her face with her hands shaking her head back and forth. _"Shit. I'm sorry Edward; I'm just having an emotional day; I really am sorry for taking it out on you._ She did look kind of stressed probably Jasper and the lack of progress she is making with him. "It's cool Al no worries don't stress about I forgive you ok"; I smiled at her and put her into a head lock messing her hair trying to get her to smile. "Come on Edward stop you ass; you're messing up my hair!" I let her go laughing at her as she looked at herself in the mirror fixing her short hair. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I looked at the screen turning away from Alice.

From – Mike

Kegger in PA you in? Got us a place to crash?

To – Mike

Sure pick you up in 10.

I looked back at Alice. "Hey can you let Esme and Carlisle know I'm staying at Mikes." "Sure no problem; have fun." I wanted to ask if she was needed to talk but she was already walking into the kitchen plus Alice would talk about it if she needed to; and I had a kegger to get too. I jumped in my Volvo; plugged in my iPod and cranked up Kanye West. I thought about the hot brunette again.

"Baby I got A Plan Runaway as fast as you can..."

A/N – I know this chapter is a lot smaller than the others; I just wanted to fill in some necessary pieces of what is going on with the other characters. The next 1 or 2 chapters will reveal what has happened to Bella. I will warn you in advance that there is sexual assault. I will be sure to place a warning at the beginning of the chapter when Bella tells her story. I'm hoping to have the next chapter up on the weekend. If I can get it up sooner I will. I hope your enjoying it so far. Reviews are always encouraging...


	4. Chapter 4

I'm Ready...

* All publicly recognized characters, settings, songs, lyrics, etc are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infrigngement is intended. Rated"M" for mature themes.

Chapter Four – Something To Get Off My Chest

_Chapter Song – __Secrets (One Republic)_

Bella POV

When I woke up Sunday morning I felt rested. I hadn't woken up once during the night; which I hadn't been able to do when I was in Phoenix. I heard my phone chirp and grabbed it from my night side table. It was a BBM from Alice asking when I was coming. I looked at the clock and was shocked to see it was 10am. I went downstairs to make myself a coffee before getting in the shower. My dad already had a pot brewed and was reading the paper. 'Good morning dad'. _Bella you're up. How did you sleep?_ I turned around coffee in hand. "Honestly the best sleep I have had since rehab." Charlie smiled. _Good I'm glad._ Are yo_u going to get ready so we can go eat some of those famous pancakes and surprise the Cullens? _

Yep I am going right now just needed my caffeine fix. _Good because I am starving. Oh hey I heard you made a new friend yesterday. _I stopped on the first step and turned facing Charlie "who Hannah?"

_Yeah__. Sarah brought cup cakes to the station yesterday and Hannah told me all about it._ 'Well you forgot the best in front of friend Charlie we even pinkie swore." Charlie started laughing; _well you sure did make that little girl's day she was so happy. She gets picked on a lot at school; she's skinny and clumsy like a little girl I once knew. _

"Really? Why do kids have to be so mean? I can't stand it. I wish there was something I could do?" Charlie put his paper down. _Me too Bells; but honestly you already did something you made her happy; and now she has a best friend. But hey if you think of anything else let me know would ya?_

I went upstairs and jumped in the shower. It was sunny out so I decided on a long strapless dress with an empire waist and a pair of flat strappy gold sandals. I dried and straightened my hair; I powdered my face with a sun kissed bronzer, added mascara to my eyes and a gloss on my lips. I even accessorized with a long necklace. I wanted to put some effort into my appearance since I hadn't seen Carlisle and Esme in so long. When I was done getting ready and looked at myself; I was amazed. I had not put this kind of effort into getting ready in a very long time. I looked like a normal teenage girl. I smiled at my reflection. I made my way downstairs smiling when I seen Charlie sitting on the front porch swing waiting for me. I quickly sent Alice a text letting her know we were on our way.

Charlie drove us to the Cullen's. I thought it was ridiculous consider they lived behind us but Charlie was starving. The houses were separated by lots of trees; each sitting back snuggled in the forest. We made our way up their drive way when the family house came into view. I felt butterflies in my stomach. I was anxious to see them, and be reunited with my second family. This house was always such a comfort to me; and all the memories I had in it as a child. They were some of the best memories I have. _You ready for this kiddo? _ I looked at my dad and smiled a real smile and shook my head yes._ Bella if you're feeling overwhelmed at all just let me know we can leave any time you want to ok? '_Dad relax I am really okay I promise. Let's go I thought you said you were starving?"

I got out of the cruiser and made my way up the stairs and rang the door bell. Esme opened the door and looked at me. 'Good morning Esme do you have enough pancakes for two more?'

_Bella? __Oh my goodness look at you._ Pictures do not compare to the real thing. Esme's eyes began filling up with tears as she grabbed me into a hug. _Oh Bella I have missed you. Let me get a good look at you._ She turned me around in a circle. Then hugged me again tears now fully running down her cheeks. Beautiful as ever, my sweet girl.

" I missed you to Esme….so much." Now I was crying. We just held each other tightly.

When we pulled away I saw Alice standing slightly behind us tears running from her eyes. She came over and gave me a hug. _Good morning Bella._

Carlisle then walked into the foyer. _What is going on out here?_ He stopped and stared at me, then at Charlie then at Esme and Alice. He looked confused. _Carlisle its Bella don't you recognize her?_ Esme asked. _One doesn't just forget such a beautiful girl Esme although I thought maybe I was just seeing things_. Carlisle walked over to me and opened his arms smiling. I was quickly engulfed in his embrace. I heard him whisper our girl has finally come home. _It is so good to see you again Bella it's been what four years?_ I sniffled in his shirt. "Something like that."

I was so emotional; all my childhood memories rushing back to me. Carlisle constantly fixing my scrapes, bruises and broken bones; being as clumsy as I was when I was younger it helped having a Doctor so close by. Carlisle interrupted my thoughts. _Do me a favour and don't wait so long until the next visit. We've missed you. _

"Well that can be arranged". He pulled back and looked at me. _What do you mean?_ "Well I moved here officially yesterday. I'm living with dad now." _ Oh Bella that's wonderful news. Charlie you must be ecstatic_.

I looked over at Charlie. He walked over and put his arm around my shoulders. _ It was the happiest day of my life besides the day she was born. '_Dad…." _What Bells it's the truth._ He looked up then at Esme who was smiling at us.

_Charlie you little sneak; you said you didn't know if she was moving back._Esme scolded slapping my dad lightly on the arm.

_Blame the girl__s it was all their idea four years apart and their still thick as theives. _Charlie said smiling. I just rolled my eyes._ So do you have enough for two more? Esme snorted. Really Charlie what kind of a question is that; Emmett doesn't leave for College until next year of course we have enough. _

"Speaking of Emmett where is he? " I asked. _Oh he was out late last night so he's still sleeping it off. I should go wake him. _

"Oh no don't do that Esme. It's okay really let him sleep." I stood taping my finger on my chin and looked at Alice. "On second thought Alice do you feel like being a kid again and wake up Emmett like old times?"

_Oh hell yes I do! "_Do you still have your boom box and the cd?" _In the hallway closet_ was Esme's response winking at us and walking into the kitchen to finish making breakfast. _Don't let him break anything!_ She called as we made our way up stairs.

Alice and I made our way upstairs laughing. _Do you remember the words Bella?_ I looked at Alice and put my hand over my heart 'It hurts that you would even ask such a thing' she rolled her eyes at me.

We found the boom box easily and the box of old CD's. _Okay you ready?_ Oh yeah let's do this. We snuck into Emmett's bedroom like we did when we were kids Alice pressed play and we each got on a side of the sleeping giant and started jumping and singing loudly to No Doubts I'm just a girl. Emmett quickly sat up not impressed in the least. Alice stopped jumping staring at me. I stopped and looked at her confused.

Emmett broke our stare down and screamed _Bella? Holy shit dude you're all grown up and look at you; you're smokin hot! Get over here gorgeous and give your big bro a hug._ I smiled and kneeled down giving Emmett a hug.

"Hey Em."

"_What the hell are you doing here? It's been well forever." _

"I moved in with Charlie."

_No shit? Are you serious? _

"Yep." I said popping the "p".

_So __you're going to be starting Forks High in a couple of weeks? "_

"I guess I am_." _Emmett furrowed his brow_. _

_This is going to make my senior year a little more complicated. _

"What? Why? Emmett if you are like embarrassed of me or something I'll stay away or whatever the last thing I want to do is complicate your life." I looked down not able to look at Emmett. 

_Shit Bella NO; I didn't mean it like that I was just thinking out loud, and the last thing I would ever be of you is embarrassed. Hell if you weren't little sis to me you would totally be my type. _

"Eww gross Emmett I said slapping him on the arm._" _Emmett laughed at me.

"_No seriously what I meant was you're the new girl. Fresh meat…. plus look at you; the guys are going to go shit crazy when they see you; but having the Chief of police as your father may help. _

I had to interrupt his "rant"._ "_Emmett it's just me Bella … not that special … really; and besides I am not interested in getting involved with anyone… like that." Emmet started poking me.

"_Oh you got a boyfriend still back home?" _

I grabbed his hands that were still poking me. "Ok first stop trying to tickle me and second no I don't have a boyfriend and thirdly I don't have a "back home" there is nothing there for me anymore_." _

_Bad break-up? Say the words Bells __I'll go to Phoenix myself and kick his ass._

I panicked for a second visualizing Emmett in Phoenix. "NO! NO! Nothing like that; and you cannot go there Emmett ever. Promise me you will never go to Phoenix" Emmett obviously saw my panic.

"_Ok__ Bells calm down. I promise I won't ever go to Phoenix. But seriously are you ok; what the hell is going on? Wait why did I just promise not to go to Phoenix? There's obviously something wrong. What happened in Phoenix Bella?"_

I looked at Emmett's now panicked eyes."Don't worry Em. I will tell you just not yet ok. I will explain everything after breakfast; and thanks for looking out for me. I missed you." Emmett grabbed me into another hug.

_I missed you too; I'm glad your home. Now what were you saying about breakfast?_I pulled out of Emmett's arms.

"Hurry up put some damn clothes on and l'll meet you downstairs. I'm just going to go find Alice."

I went to look for Alice; going to her room first to see if she was in there. Not really sure where she had taken off too. I knocked on the door.

"_Come in."_

"Alice? Where did you go? Are you okay?" I found her sitting on her bedroom floor with our keepsake box from when we were kids. I hadn't seen that in years and she had a book in her lap.

_Yeah I'm okay do you mind if I show you something?_

"Sure what is it?" She handed me the book. I slowly opened it up. It was a scrap book filled with pictures of us as kids and some of our treasures from our keep sake box were in it. As I got to the middle there were articles of my cheer leading team making it to the nationals, some of my school pictures, pictures of me in Phoenix some I had never seen before, she had everything my soccer team picture, me playing my guitar in the back yard. There were also pictures of Alice and Emmett over the last four years. 'Where did you get all of these?'

_When Charlie would come over if Rene had sent new pictures he would bring them over I also stole some from his visits with you; I scanned the ones I wanted._

"Alice this is amazing."

_I'm glad you like it….it's yours. _

I looked at her my eyes wide and filled with unshed tears. "Alice I can't you put so much work into it." She smiled at me.

_Oh I have one that is exactly the same of my own. _

"Really?"

_Yeah belie__ve it or not I knew you would come home Bella; so I decided to make this for when you finally did. So it wouldn't seem like we were ever really apart. It's stupid isn't it? _

"Are you kidding me? 'This is the farthest thing from stupid Alice. It's the best gift anyone has ever given me. And I don't deserve it.'

_Bella please don't say that._

"NO! It's true!" I was crying now holding Alice's hands. "I shut you out. I became so wrapped up in my life in Phoenix; and forgot who I really was, and what was really important in life. I let you down as a friend … as a sister. I mean who does that who throws away family?" I realized in that moment I had almost become my mother. That is something I never wanted to repeat. "I am so sorry Alice. I won't ever forget again, and I promise to make it up to you every day; can you ever forgive me?"

_Bella there's nothing to forgive. I love you just the same as I ever have. __I know something happened to you Bella. I know mom went to Phoenix with Charlie; she never said anything to me about it. But she was a wreck for a week when she came home. I knew something was wrong I could feel it in my bones. I overheard Charlie telling my mom about a week after she had been back that you were safe now. I was so scared for you Bella. I don't know what I would ever do if this world didn't include you in it. I'm not going to ask you what happened; because I know you Bella and you will tell me when you're ready. But just know I love you and I am here for you okay; and seriously there is nothing to forgive. _We shared a tearful hug.

"I wanted to call you so many times Alice I swear; I just couldn't I had to get better. But I am going to tell everyone after breakfast, I'm ready to talk about it now." Alice wiped my teary face and kissed my forehead.

_Whenever you're ready Bells; were not going anywhere._

Just then Carlisle yelled up the stairs. _Ladies are you coming down for breakfast? _

Alice got up and put her hands out to me.

"_Come on lets go enjoy breakfast as a family__"._ I smiled up at her and grabbed a hold of her hands. It was good to be home…

After breakfast we all sat around talking and catching up. We made plans to go to the fair grounds that afternoon in Port Angeles; it was the yearly fair. I looked around at the family I loved so much and I knew it was time to tell them the truth the entire story. I was sitting beside Emmett on the love seat, my dad and Alice were on the couch, Esme and Carlisle were sharing the oversized Chair.

I cleared my throat. I could see the nerves rolling off of my dad. This was going to be hard on him; but I felt it was time surrounded by our support system. I cleared my throat again this time everyone looked at me. "Um guys I have to talk to you." I saw panic cross Esme's eyes but it was gone so quickly and replaced with understanding; she knew what I was about to do. So I took one last deep breath and started.

"Ok so I feel like it's time for you to know what really happened in Phoenix. But before I start I unfortunately have to warn you that some of the things I am going to tell you are... there... well there just not good. But I want you to look at me and know I am okay; I really am okay, there is some things I am still working through but please don't look at me and feel pity; or think there was something you could have done to prevent some of the things I am about to tell you because there wasn't. I'm telling you because my sponsor advised me to pick a support system here; and I have chosen you... my family as my support system. And if you could just try to leave questions till the end I would really appreciate it. I just have to get this all out at once. So is that okay? I mean if you don't want to hear I totally understand." Esme interrupted me.

_Bella I think I speak for all of us when I say we want to be here for you; and that we love you and no matter what you are about to tell us; __we will still love you and pity will not be something you will see in any of our eyes. So please sweet heart go ahead; I know this has to be very difficult for you." _

"_Thanks_ Esme"; I looked at everyone one more time and began telling them everything.


	5. Chapter 5

I'm Ready...

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Chapter Five – I'm Crying Out 

_Chapter Song – __I'm In Here (Sia)_

_*Warning this chapter includes sexual assault and drug use so if you are under 18 or sensitive to either topic's please skip this chapter._

Bella POV

"After Gram died; I just couldn't come back here it hurt so much. I became pretty withdrawn; quiet; honestly I was really stuck in my head. I just wasn't expecting it; it all just happened so fast and then she was just gone. After about a month Rene sat me down and told me I was being dramatic; and that life has loss and that I needed to move on with my life and start thinking about my future. She made me sign up for cheerleading try outs; which it just really wasn't my thing but she insisted that I needed something to fill my time so I wouldn't sit around moping around her house. So I forced my best friend Leigh to try out with me and we both made it and actually ended up enjoying it.

I met James when I was 14 he was two years older than me and had just transferred to our school. He was an amazing football player and quickly became quarterback. All the girls wanted him; but for some reason he chose me. We started dating and he was perfect so sweet and got a long great with my best friends Leigh and Jake, they had been together since elementary school. So our group of three quickly became four. We did everything together. Everything was "perfect" for about a year; I was dating the QB; I became a flyer for our cheer squad; I was popular; went to all the right parties. My social life became really busy.

Anyway James had met this guy Laurant at a party we were at. He was done high school and ran his own business; I don't know why I never pushed for more information. But when I would ask what kind of business he would only say sales. James and Laurant became instant friends. Laurant had parties all the time; he had a huge house and it became the place we all went to; to hang out and party. There were always people there, a lot of drinking and a lot of drugs. I stayed away from the drugs but I'll be honest I drank and partied; but I was never interested in doing drugs.

Laurant was super nice to me; he always made sure I had a drink in my hand and was treated with respect by anyone I didn't know. Looking back now I realize he had an interest in me and I was just too naive to realize what the interest ultimately was. He was one of James's best friends and he had never offered any kind of concern neither did Leigh or Jake for that matter; plus Laurant had a girlfriend Victoria. She too always looked out for me telling me a number of times that Laurant and her saw me as a little sister. She was always buying me and Leigh clothes; clothes that neither of us would ever wear. They were really revealing; just not at all our style. But she was trying to get us to dress like her and her friends. I would thank her and stuff them in the back of my closet.

So that was kind of my life for a while school; cheer leading; and partying at Laurants. Phil had booked us a trip to go see his parents in New York for a week; I actually had a really good time; most of it was spent with Phil's mom. Her and I really get along she took me to a couple of Broadway shows; we shopped; went to the Met, so I was pretty busy. I had texted Leigh, Jake and James a couple of times while I was away but never got a response from them; it bothered me but like I said I was pretty busy all week; so I figured I'd just talk to them when I got home.

When the plane landed and we got home I was wired from the flight and time difference it was only 9pm in Phoenix so I tried calling James but he didn't answer so I tried Leigh and Jake same thing. They knew I would be home tonight and considering I hadn't spoken to them in a week I started to feel a little nervous about the lack of communication between my best friends and boyfriend; I decided I would just go to Laurants because I knew that's where they would most likely be.

When I got there; there were a ton of cars parked in the drive way and out on the street and I could hear the music playing inside. I walked to the front door and let myself in; there were people everywhere; and everyone was trashed. The house was a mess beer bottles and liquor bottles everywhere. I saw people doing lines of cocaine in the kitchen; I walked through to the living room and there were people smoking crack in there. I mean Laurant had parties but I had never seen it like this before. I didn't recognize anyone at first and thought maybe James, Leigh and Jake weren't here after all. Then I saw this girl Emily that went to our school; I asked her if James was there. She gave me a dirty look and told me he was down stairs then smirked at me. I wasn't sure what that was all about so I just went downstairs to see if I could find my friends.

When I went down stairs I saw Leigh and Jake on the couch. Leigh looked like she had passed out and It looked like Jake was trying to wake her up. I walked over to Jake...

_*****__**Flashback**_

"Jake is everything okay?" He looked at me confused his pupils were huge and dilated and he was shaking slightly.

"_Bella when did you get here__; really it doesn't matter I can't get Leigh to wake up, she was fine we were drinking and then she just started passing out said things were fuzzy, I don't know what's wrong with her she won't wake up."_

Jake are you sure all you did was drink?

"_You know what. Fuck you Bella I don't need to hear your bull shit right now. Your best friend is passed out and all you care about is what drugs I am on so you can give me a lecture on how drugs are bad. You know what fuck off I don't need your help I can fucking take care of her on my own" _

I was so shocked and taken aback by Jakes harsh words; he had never spoken to me like that before. 'Jake that's not why I was asking. I just wanted to make sure you were okay too don't you"... he cut me off.

"_Why don't you stop worrying about me and worry about your boyfriend I'm sure he'd be really happy to see you right now. Go see for yourself he's just down the hall in the spare bedroom." _Just then Leigh started to open her eyes.

"Jake. Bathroom. Now" she croaked out.

Jake lifted Leigh up and pushed me out of the way not even taking another look my way. I followed him as he headed down the hall towards Laurants room where I assumed he was taking her to use his ensuite. As we walked down the hall I heard someone yell fuck and new it was James voice and it was coming from the spare room. I felt my stomach drop with dread and nerves. I slowly made my way to the door that was open a crack taking a deep breath I walked inside.

When I opened the door I saw James and Victoria in bed having sex. She was on top riding him he was holding on to her hips while she rocked herself on him back and forth head thrown back. I stood there stunned not knowing how the fuck this was happening; and how in one week my entire world had just come to a screeching halt. I covered my mouth to hold back the sob that was working itself up my chest. Neither of them had noticed me but the girl I hadn't seen when I first walked in who I realized was videotaping them turned the camera on me with a sadistic smile on her face. I slowly started walking backwards towards the door my eyes filling up with tears. I quietly shut the door on my way out and felt someone put their hands on my shoulder. I turned around quickly and saw Laurant looking at me. He looked enraged. He didn't say anything but he started squeezing my arms hard.

"Laurant please your hurting me" He pulled me towards him and put his lips to my ear. Not letting go of the grip he had on my arms.

"_Your little boyfriend thinks he can fuck my girl for free. All week the two of them thought they were so sneaky. Like I didn't know what they were doing behind my back this entire time. Well I guess little James needs to return the favour_."

I felt my body start to tremble. Fear taking over every cell in my body. "Laurant please... please don't do this". I managed to choke out; tears fully streaming down my face. He started pulling me towards his room.

"_James owes me a debt and your about to pay up; and I won't stop until I feel his debt has been paid in full."_

_*****__**Present**_

When he got me into his bedroom he ripped my shirt open and pulled my skirt up; I tried fighting; I begged; I screamed no; I scratched, I clawed; it didn't matter what I said or did he was stronger than me, high and I could smell alcohol on his breath. I realized what was going to happen and it didn't matter what I did. He pushed me against his dresser facing the mirror.

I just stared at the reflection.

I just stared at the girl with the man's hand across her mouth.

I just stared at the girl with the tears streaming down her face.

I just watched as the girl was raped.

I felt like I was having an out of body experience.

They say that the mind shuts off to help you deal with certain situations.

My mind didn't shut off.

My mind stared at the reflection in the mirror.

When he was done it was then my mind came back to me.

And I realized the reflection of the girl in the mirror was actually me.

I felt tears dripping down my cheeks and wiped them away. I looked up to my family; my dad had his head in his hands his shoulders shaking. Alice was beside him crying and rubbing Charlie's back. I couldn't see Esme's face because it was buried in Carlisle's chest. Carlisle looked angry with unshed tears in his eyes. I couldn't look at him anymore and turned my head towards Emmett. Tears were running down his face and his fits were clenched. He was staring at me with so much regret in his eyes. Emmett cleared his _throat _

"_Bells if you're not done can you continue. Cause I__ have a lot of fucking questions and I'm trying real hard to respect your wishes."_ I nodded my head and pulled my legs up to my chest and continued.

When he was finished he pulled me off the ground ripped the rest of my shirt off leaving me in just my bra and pushed me onto his bed and told me not to move. I was so terrified I couldn't move if I wanted to. I stayed there for a while; I'm not sure how much time passed but I got up enough courage to try and leave but the door was locked from the outside; and there were no windows in Laurants room. I started banging on the door and screaming as loud as I could but the music was pounding throughout the house. No one could hear me or maybe they could either way no one came to help.

After a while Laurant came back into the room. I begged him to let me go I swore that I wouldn't tell anyone anything. He laughed at me and told me the debt was not paid yet and to not worry he would make me feel better. It was then that he grabbed my wrist and wrapped a belt around my upper arm. I tried to fight him off again; but I just wasn't strong enough and I felt the fight left in me slowly die. I then realized he had taken out a needle I started shaking begging him to stop I was terrified; he gripped my arm tighter and told me not to fucking move and injected me with what I later found out was heroin. I felt this rush over come me it's hard to explain; it was like a warming sensation all over my entire body. My body felt heavy but in a good way. I knew in my mind this wasn't good but at the same time; I kind of welcomed it. I was happy to not think about what had just happened to me. Happy to not feel the pain I had been in only minutes ago. It just all disappeared.

Every time the high would start to wear off I felt like there were bugs crawling on my skin I was so itchy. It never lasted long because he would come back and inject me with more. My memories are still fuzzy from my time spent in my drug induced haze. I do remember hearing people yelling and fighting around me; cell phones ringing; someone gave me a bath a couple of times.

I don't remember much accept for the day I woke up in the hospital and Rene filled in some of the blanks. I guess I had been "missing" for 4 days and Rene came to Laurant's to take me home. Leigh, Jake, and James had gone to her house and told her that they were worried about me; that I hadn't been acting like myself for a while and that I had showed up at Laurants after we got back from New York got into a fight with all of them and then took off.

Mean while I was in Laurant's room the entire time I know I said a lot was fuzzy but that I am sure of. The few times I became alert I was always in Laurant's room.

But according to my friends; I had taken off then three days later I showed up at Laurant's high and refusing to leave until one of them gave me money to buy more drugs. They claimed that Laurant and Victoria were keeping me there until my best friends could break the news to Rene of my drug addiction.

That's when Rene had come to get me; but she was too late I had overdosed; seems Laurant went a little overboard with my last injection. He however told my mom he thought I didn't have any on me because I was there going crazy looking for money to get my next high. Apparently I had gone to the bathroom and when I didn't return after a few minutes Laurant went to check on me and when I didn't answer he broke down the door to get to me.

When I woke up Rene was the first person I saw she was obviously disgusted with me and had already made her opinion of me and had chosen to take their word never asking for mine. Explaining all of this to me; showing me text messages I had apparently sent her from my phone. But it wasn't me. I tried to tell her; but how could she believe me with all the "secrets" I had been keeping.

It was all a fucking lie. One giant made up fucking story to cover what he had done to me.

I swear to you; I did not voluntarily take those drugs. Yes I welcomed the numbness they brought me after Laurant did what he did to me; but I swear to god; had that never happened... Had I never gone to that house; I would never have needed the numbing.

That's why I didn't fight going to rehab. I didn't want to be an addict. I don't want to be an addict. I didn't have a choice. That privilege was taken from me. I tried to tell the police what really happened but no one believed me. I just looked like another junkie; a rich kid with nothing better to do. They did a rape kit but it had been days and like I said someone had given me a bath washing away any evidence; I still to this day do not even know where my clothes that I wore that day are; someone got rid of all the evidence. And all my friends' stories matched. They all claimed I disappeared for days; showed up high looking for money; then overdosed in Laurant's bathroom.

I have literally made myself crazy trying to understand why they would turn on me the way they did. I haven't seen or spoken to any of them since that day in the hospital. I begged Leigh to believe me she said Laurant and Victoria told her everything. When I asked her what exactly they had told her. She told me to cut the shit. That I needed to stop lying and take the help I was being offered; and then to disappear that I had caused enough damage.

They believed him over me. He had hidden me and covered all his tracks.

You need to understand I was so confused because everyone else had a different story then mine and I seriously started to think I had lost my mind; that maybe they were right. I was so confused and didn't know what was real and what wasn't and I had already started detox which was painful and made things even more confusing. That's why I couldn't talk to you when you came to Phoenix. Because if you guys believed them over me...well I just... I don't know what I would have done; I don't think I could have handled that.

I felt the weight of everything fall heavily deep in my soul and started sobbing. Emmett quickly pulled me onto his lap hugging me tightly. I felt the couch beside us move. Esme took both my hands in hers; tears streaking her beautiful face_. _

"_I will always believe you Bella; no matter what happens I will always want to kn__ow what you have to say. I understand now why you were afraid but you have to know I love you and will always be on your side no matter what. I am so proud of you sweetheart for sharing all of that with us and for being the fighter you are. The best way to beat them is to live and you are doing just that." _Charlie, Alice and Carlisle were all sitting in front of us on the floor. Dad took one of my hands and gave it a small squeeze. He hadn't said a word yet; but he was obviously upset. I heard Alice sniffle and wipe some tears away she looked me in the eyes.

"_Why did you stay away so long Bella_?" I put my head down.

"I had to Alice. I wasn't me. Even the short amount of time I was on heroine coming off it was hard; I was angry for months and I had a lot to deal with. I had to finally acknowledge the trauma I had gone through that the drugs had numbed; then I had to acknowledge the fact that everyone I had ever trusted in Phoenix had turned on me; and for reasons I had no knowledge of. You have no idea how that feels. And to have to actually feel it and learn to live with it... Well I spent a lot of time in therapy I did a lot of soul searching and realized a lot of things. I am still realizing things every day. And I don't regret staying away for a year; I'm stronger then I have ever been. I am not afraid to trust; although I am cautious; the point is I am not afraid. When I first finished detox I couldn't be in a room with a man without shaking with fear; and for the first 6 months I thought about the drugs constantly how they could make the fear go away. I don't think about them anymore but I had to stay there and fight through that with the proper help. And I'm not afraid to be around men anymore either.

I ended up taking self defence classes; I did a lot of therapy and I really am better because of that. And I am ready to move on, I'm ready to take my life back and be and do whatever it is I choose. And I'm really glad that you all know now. But I need us all to move on from this. I do not want it hanging over our heads like a storm cloud; because most days I don't think about it; but there are days that I do and on those days I will come to you I promise.

I came back here to embrace the Bella from Forks and combine her with the Bella I am now.

Like I said I'm ready."

Everyone was silent and staring at me. It was really starting to feel a little awkward. "Okay can someone say something...please" My dad spoke first.

"_I just cannot believe after everything you just told us you sit here so together? I never imagined you could be this strong. I love you Bells and I'm so damn proud of you. But I promise you this_." I watched Charlie's face turn deadly. "_I will make sure that bastard pays for what he did to you Bells. No one and I mean no one touches my daughter. He will pay if it's the last thing I do_."

"Dad please do not go out looking for a fight; I'm begging you. I don't know what I would do if something were to happen to you. I have a feeling that I haven't heard the last from Laurant" I whispered the last part but I knew they all would hear me. "I honestly believe I was not supposed to survive that overdose dad". Esme and Alice both gasped. I felt Emmett go rigid underneath me before he spoke.

"_So what you expect us to just wait for him to show up and hurt you again?" I don't fucking think so Bells. Not gonna happen_." Carlisle spoke up then.

"Emmett your job is to watch out for Bella at school. You need to let Charlie and I handle the rest." Emmett nodded his head; he knew it was a loss cause to argue. Charlie spoke next

"_Laurant clearly isn't stupid he covered his tracks __pretty good; but every criminal is a little sloppy. I just have to find where that sloppiness might be. But I would never do anything to put you in harm's way Bella; I want you to feel safe here."_

"I know dad and I do; don't worry, I told you I really am okay". I knew deep inside I would see him again one day. But I wasn't afraid of him anymore. I survived Laurant once I could do it again. I was completely exhausted from the emotional roller coaster I had just been on and all I could think about was sleeping; I yawned loud.

"_Come on Bella"_ Esme said while standing up and holding her hand out to me. _I know we were promised questions but I think we have all had enough for today. You look like you could use a nap and I know I am not letting you out of my site for the rest of the day. Sorry Charlie but I'm stealing this one for a few hours. Alice you coming'? _ Alice jumped up and grabbed onto my other hand. Charlie got up too.

"_Okay Bells I have some work to do at the station for a few ho__urs so I will see you later. You still up for the fair tonight?"_ I shook my head yes while another yawn over took me.

Charlie kissed me on the forehead then Esme, Alice and I climbed the stairs into Esme's big comfy bed cuddling. Just before I fell asleep I heard Esme say. "Thank you god for bringing her home safely where she belongs."


End file.
